mr sandman

thesylverlining:

redpyros:

man me a sand

Make it the cutest man car door hook hand

gingerhaze:

climb

meanmisscharles:

meatfighter:

Now I can’t help but imagine a 60 year old seriel killer at a millenials door waiting, mad as fuck, checking his watch , and leaving out of frustration and writes a blog post about how millenials are ruining this country

Are Millennials Killing The Serial Killer Industry?

c-o-l-l-e-e-n-a:

clarawebbwillcutoffyourhead:

IS BEING HYDRATED REALLY WORTH ALL THIS PEEING?

Kidneys:

gipsiidanger:

aviculor:

westbor0baptistchurch:

I Was Trying To Be Funny But It Came Out as Really Mean: A 5-part documentary starring me.

I Was Trying To Be Loving And Supportive But I Probably Overstepped My Boundaries And Came Off as Creepy: a feature-length film with two sequels and a TV series adaption.

I Was Trying To Tell You I Relate To Your Difficult Situation But It Probably Sounded Like I Was Making It All About Me: a novel saga with several side book adaptions and a movie.

frowningfoxbones:

former-fatty:

dear-tumb1r:

topsiders-tanlines:

thespacemaid:

if anyone would like to learn a couple tricks for carving pumpkins:

– dont cut out the top to scoop out the seeds, cut out the bottom instead. this way the pumpkin doesnt cave in on itself and lasts longer
– sprinkle some cinnamon inside at the top after carving. this way when you put the candle in it smells like pumpkin pie

this is the quality content I wanna see on my dash

– rub the i sides with lemon after you’re done scooping. This will also help preserve the pumpkin

It’s fucking June, at least wait until the fourth of July, you animal.

I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of me disemboweling this pumpkin.